THE NUMBER-ONE human fear seems to be speaking before a group, so it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that public speaking creates an enormous stress factor for a lot of people. But it’s important to realize that although stress is a communication killer, nervousness is an asset.
So the fundamental idea of this chapter is how to turn stress (bad) into nervous energy (good).
With this skill, you’ll be able to develop the all-important ingredient: confidence. It really isn’t a long journey from “I’m going to make an ass of myself in front of all these people,” to “They came to hear what I have to say. They want me to succeed. After all, it’s their time and it’s up to me to make it valuable for them. I have good information. All I need to do is make it interesting.”
Care about the audience
That frame of mind is a good introduction to converting from self-consciousness to the confidence that comes from realizing you are there for the audience, not the other way around. So, the concentration should be outward—on them—rather than inward on you. Then, “Is my hair in place? Am I falling apart? Is my fly zipped (or is my lipstick smeared)?” becomes, “Get them with the program. Give them a dynamite opening. Relate to them. Show them you care about them.” Confidence isn’t cockiness. It isn’t smugness. It’s the awareness that by being audience-friendly, you’re selling yourself and you want them to be on your team.
Make nervousness your ally
Nervousness is a perfectly natural and almost universal occurrence. Ask any singer, any actor, any performer. You’ll hear the same thing over and over. “I’m nervous before every performance. It (nervousness) energizes my performance. It gives me the edge I need.” So, don’t confuse nervousness with “stage fright.”
Again, that’s the difference between an energized presentation and a stressed-out one.
Talk to professional athletes. They’ll tell you their least productive games were the ones in which they were unsure of themselves, ones in which they lacked confidence.
Think of the tension a State Department spokesperson struggles with knowing that every word might produce an international incident.
Each one of those people must deal with the same kind of pressure, tension, and stress that’s placed on you as a speaker.
The difference between you and those professionals is probably the confidence with which they handle their situations.
Confidence can be learned
As a speaker, you’re relating directly to an audience. Any group needs to believe that you seem comfortable, that you have confidence in yourself. Otherwise, they’ll never be able to have confidence in your message.
Without confidence, you have:
• Fear.
• Stress.
• Tension.
• Self-consciousness.
• A rapid heartbeat that you can feel.
• Disorganized thoughts.
• Dryness (in your mouth).
• Wetness (everywhere else).
• Evident signs of discomfort.
With confidence, you have:
• Control (of self and audience).
• Comfort.
• Presence of mind to think.
• Positive nervous energy making you dynamic.
• The ability to concentrate on your message and your audience.
Consider the following case study demonstrating the importance of confidence.
Almost immediately after attending one of my training sessions, an association executive director had to represent his industry in one of the first and most media-covered product tam-pering cases.
Almost every day for several weeks, he held news conferences at the Food and Drug Administration and responded to unrelent-ing questions from the media.
He testified before congressional committees where the TV
lights blazed, cameras rolled, and questions were often hostile and intimidating. The pressure was constant.
After it was over, he told me, “Without the confidence your training gave me, I never could have handled my end of the crisis.”
Of course, the product was Tylenol.
How to gain confidence
In anything you do, the greater your confidence in yourself and your abilities, the stronger your impact.
That’s not cockiness, mind you. It’s being prepared. It’s knowing how to take control of your own metabolism and turn your stress into nervousness that generates enthusiasm and energy.
The secret key
The concept is easy to understand, but just how do you go about taking control of your metabolism? After all, your heart rate is racing. Your blood pressure is over the top.
The key is so simple, you’re going to wonder if I really know what I’m talking about.
The secret to controlling stress is diaphragmatic breathing.
It’s the way the baby breathes when the umbilical cord is severed, meaning that it’s natural breathing. If anything can be labeled “or-ganic” or “100 percent natural,” it’s diaphragmatic breathing.
It’s a fact. There’s a way to breathe that can work against you, especially in a difficult situation, and there’s a way to breathe properly that can help make that same difficult situation less stressful.
The following story is an example of how this breathing technique works. A former colleague of mine was invited to attend a luncheon at the White House. He was thrilled! Then he discovered that each guest was expected to stand and present a 60-second self-introduction in front of a roomful of high-powered guests.
His elation turned to panic. He decided not to go. I happened to hear about his decision and suggested that we work together on his breathing—only breathing—to control his panic. He decided it was worth a try. Guess what? He not only went to the luncheon, but he enjoyed it.
Another example of the effectiveness of correct breathing comes from even closer to home. One of my then-teenage children told me one evening, “I had to give an oral report in class today. I read your booklet and worked on my breathing. Everyone told me I gave the best report.”
These are just two examples of how proper breathing has worked for people. There are countless others involving people in every field from library directors testifying on behalf of their budget requests to the city council to a presidential hopeful about to make the speech to announce his candidacy.
Improper breathing can be a roadblock
Remember the speaker who kept gasping for breath and audibly sucking in air in the middle of sentences? Remember the ones who preceded every fifth word with “uh . . . uh . . . uh” until you could think of nothing but their discomfort and your own boredom? In each case you remember that you were in pain for them.
But do you remember the message? Probably not.
In winter, the coughs and sneezes you suffer are usually a sign that something is wrong. You probably have a cold. You’re getting sick. In much the same way, the “uh . . . uh . . . uhs” and the stammering and groping are signs that something is wrong.
That “something” is lack of control.
Lack of competence.
Lack of confidence.
They’re communication killers.
Fortunately, this handicap is curable with proper breathing and silent pauses.
Assumptions to consider
• First: Assume you’re faced with a difficult situation, maybe even a crisis situation.
• Second: Of course, you want to handle it successfully.
In order to do this, you must obtain and maintain control.
That means control of your stress and your thought process. You can do it with proper breathing.
Keep in mind that no good vocal coach ever let a student make the first sound until the student had mastered proper breathing techniques. Speech 101 and Singing 101 follow this regimen if properly taught. In this case, you’re your own coach, so monitor your progress carefully.
No shortcuts
There are no shortcuts, so take it slowly. You may find the progress complicated by old, improper breathing habits you’ve acquired over the years. You have to learn to replace them with new, correct ones you’re about to develop.
Let’s make sure you understand what you do when you think of taking a deep breath.
Picture this: You’ve gone for your annual checkup. The doctor puts a stethoscope to your chest and says, “Now take a deep breath.” You suck in your gut. You swell your chest and hike up your shoulders, tightening the muscles of your head and neck like a soldier at attention.
Keep that image in mind because that’s exactly what you don’t want to do. I never saw a soldier at attention who looked like—or acted like—a relaxed, comfortable speaker. So, when you heave up the shoulders as you suck in the gut to take a deep breath, you’re going about it the wrong way.
To learn proper breathing techniques, you first need to understand that the center of the breathing mechanism, the main muscle, is the diaphragm. It’s a dome-shaped arch located just under the rib cage, right below the breastbone. The lungs rest on the diaphragm, so when you look for your diaphragm, if you find yourself anywhere near your navel, you’re too far south.
The proper breathing rhythm is for the diaphragm to flatten on inhalation.
On exhalation, the diaphragm returns to its arched position, forcing air out of the lungs by pushing them up.
Place your fingers against your diaphragm. On an inhalation, your fingers should be forced away from your body. On the exhalation, your fingers should move back toward your body.
Be very conscious of what you’re doing because it’s quite common to do it wrong. At first, it may seem unnatural. We’ve been used to thinking that the “in” in “inhale” means sucking in the gut. The “in” actually means filling the lungs with air, and it can only happen when the diaphragm flattens, moving down and away from the body.
Unlearn bad breathing techniques
Incorrect breathing often comes from military training, exaggerated posture training, and an involuntary reaction to stress and fear. It goes back to the terrible notion of “take a deep breath.”
The command should be “take a diaphragmatic breath.”
Incorrect breathing is one of the leading causes of lack of confidence.
It’s a communication destroyer.
Practice correctly
Check it out. Stand in front of a mirror. Pretend you’ve just heard the magic words, “Take a deep breath.” If you’re pulling your diaphragm in, sucking in the gut, your shoulders will heave upward. The muscles of your head and neck will tighten notice-ably. It’s exactly the opposite of what should be happening.
Your shoulders shouldn’t move on the inhalation. The lungs need room to expand. The motion of the diaphragm should be outward, not upward.
Yawning and sighing are almost perfect examples of deep diaphragmatic breathing. You’re always breathing correctly lying on your back as you fall asleep.
